Comment Wall

Comment Wall

Comments

  1. Hi Sarah! This is the first time I've come across your storybook project. I really love the idea for your storybook. I've heard of the show The Good Place before, I don't think I've watched it much though. Your Introduction was great and really set up for the stories that you're writing. I was intrigued when I saw that you began the Intro in almost a screenplay type format. Is that what you're going for when you're writing your stories? Maybe I'm misreading it. You have a new tab for a story but it doesn't appear to have a story on it yet. Are you still in the process of writing it? No worries if you are. I can't think of any suggestions so far, other than maybe you could describe the surroundings a bit more. That's minor thing though. I'm really excited to see where you take these stories.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi, Sarah! Oh my goodness! My family and I love The Good Place! What a creative storybook topic!! I think it is so cool that you chose to write the story in the form of a film script. The font and format really help to clarify this to the reader. I feel like I am actually reading a script of The Good Place! I wonder if there are any distinct emotions that you think each character feels at certain points throughout the script? What if occasionally throughout the script, you put an occasional emotion in parentheses. For example: [angrily]. This might help to give the reader a better idea of what the characters are feeling. The cliff hanger ending at the end is absolutely genius! I was not expecting Yudhishthira to enter into The Bad Place. I really appreciated this change in the plot from the original plot of The Good Place. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and am so excited to read more!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Sarah! First of all, I want to say that I love the idea behind your story book project. I have never seen the Good Place but I think this goes along perfectly with an Indian Epics story. While reading your introduction, I felt like I was well informed of what your story book project was going to be about. I liked how you summarized what the Good Place was so people who have not seen it still had an idea of what it was going to happen in each of your stories. I think your introduction was clear and concise, and the video also was a major help. I would also like to mention how much I liked your story book website. I think it looks very neat and was easy to navigate. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story book and am excited to see how it progresses moving forward!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Sarah! I've seen a couple seasons of The Good Place, and I very much support the connection you made between the show and the concept of karma in the readings we've been doing. I must say I was surprised when you put everyone except Yudhisthira in the Bad Place, but it definitely makes me intrigued to read the rest of your Storybook to learn why. Same with how the 100 brothers ended up in the Good Place.

    One tiny spelling error I noticed was you used the word "raked" instead of "racked" up points, early on in the Intro.

    I like the format, I think you do a really good job switching between dialogue/story and actions playing out, and the formatting makes it easy to follow.

    I'm curious to learn more about this point-decreasing system that seems to be in place in the Good Place, and how you'll relate it back to the epic.

    Overall, great idea and I'm excited to see where it goes!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Sarah, The Good Place looks super interesting! I don't know how I haven't heard of it before, but I am definitely going to check it out! Without actually watching the show, your parallels between The Good Place and karma seem to be pretty accurate and make for an entertaining read. This goes along well with your formatting; the screenplay-esque writing style alongside the pictures makes everything stand out!
    I wonder what is actually going on in the bad place? Is Yudhishthira going to end up staying in the bad place with his brothers, or will he rescue them? I know in the Mahabharata it is all a ruse but I am not sure if you're looking to follow that path of the story! Either way I'm looking forward to reading more. The only comment I have is to change the color of your text on the story page to stand out from the picture more! Otherwise, great job!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Sarah! First off, I think it is very interesting that you were able to draw a parallel from the karma system to a modern day TV series. I have never seen The Good Place, but I felt that I was able to understand its premise fairly well from your brief introduction into it. I really enjoyed the parallels from stories in Indian epics to The Good Place. I really enjoyed that you used so much dialogue. What would Chitragupta's office look like? Have you considered adding more visual details to your introduction? Visual details are one of the revision strategies that Professor Gibbs has listed, and I found it very helpful. If you think more visual details could help your stories, I recommend you give it a try! I would also recommend proofreading your introduction once more to sharpen up the grammar just a bit. Does Yudhishthira earn negative karma for entering the bad place? Does his strategy to get to the bad place work? I'm interested to learn the answers to these questions in your next story. Great start!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello,
    I want to start off by saying I love how you incorporated the show The Good Place into your story. I have watched nearly the whole thing and love it. I also was fond of how you added a trailer to the show to inform the reader of where you are coming from. I also have to say I love how you made the intro out to be a script from a movie! It is following in line with the show and I could see where you were going with your future stories. It was nice to read the intro and see a modern twist on an older thought. What happens when you get to the other side? It is like you are mashing two things together with a twist of your own. I feel like your stories will be super interesting and I can’t wait to read them! Keep up the good work. I wouldn’t change a thing!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Sarah! I am a student in the mythology and folklore class. I saw the title of your storybook and had to click on it because I love the Good Place! Its one of my favorite shows. I enjoyed how you wrote the story as a script. I think this type of writing style left me with a few questions. I didn't really know who Duryodhana or the Kauravas were or how Yudhishthira knew them during his life. Maybe I'm not supposed to know yet? I liked the images of the kulfi, but maybe you can limit it to two images - one of the kulfi and one of the shop - because it breaks up the story too much. I almost thought that was the end of the intro. Maybe you could add a section about the set design or something like that to give the reader an idea about the setting. I really enjoyed your introduction and the idea for the storybook. I think it is very original and creative!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey Sarah! I absolutely love the Good Place and am so surprised I didn't find your website till now! I got so excited when I saw it was Good Place themed and think it's a really good choice of theme to go with based on the stories we are reading. I liked your little shout out to Eleanor in the intro too.

    Your website looks really good. I think you've done a great job with keeping the theme going throughout it. My one suggestion is make the comment wall easier to access so it's easier for the reader to give you some feedback.

    I really like how your stories read as scripts too. It's really makes for a cool way to read it and makes it flow very nicely. I also think you did an amazing job of bringing the premise of the Good Place to what happens in the story. I was really impressed with how well it works too. The break you have from your intro into your stories is really amazing as well. Overall, a really great job!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey Sarah!
    I really liked how you wrote your stories as if they were scripts. It made it easier to read since it was broken up. It also showed what the characters were doing in addition to the words they were saying. With just a few words, you were able to create a picture in my mind as to how they were moving and what they were doing. Great job!
    I also really liked how in the intro you included a sound clip as part of the story. It’s nice to have different kinds of media in the stories other than just pictures. I also really liked that you adapted the story to be more relevant to the stories you were retelling. Like using kulfi instead of frozen yogurt and talked about being reborn and going back to earth with a new identity once they ran out of points.
    For the bad place story, I thought your opening with the picture chosen was a great way to set the scene for the bad place. I like how you tried to keep most of the original elements of the story in your version but tweaked them a little to fit into the Good Place theme.
    Overall, great job with both stories!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Sarah! First up, this is an absolutely brilliant idea!!! The Good Place is one of those shows that I need to watch. I love Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars is in my top three favorite shows of all time; just for reference the other two are Alias and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and from what I have seen of The Good Place, I'm 99.9% sure I'd love it. I'm also impressed that you are mixing this show with the Mahabharata. I'm not gonna lie, the Mahabharata confused me to no end so the fact that you understood it enough to mix it with something from modern pop culture is impressive in and of itself. I also love the huge image on the home page. It really sets the stage perfectly for your project. The use of multiple images and the embedded audio from Soundcloud are great. It really fits the mood and makes the flow of the page very easy to follow. And the banner image for Hell is just too perfect and needs nothing else. Great work!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Sarah! I love The Good Place, so I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to come across your project. I think this is such a great idea. Karma and the concept of the tv show aligns perfectly. I appreciate your addition of a trailer on the home page. I like your usage of mixed media. Your intro was nice as well. I have yet to see any projects written in the format of a script, which makes sense with your theme being inspired by a tv show. It was easy and clear to read. The dialogue was well written and gave us a good sense of who the characters are. You did an excellent job explaining the point system! I really like where your story is heading! I’m looking forward to see how it all turns out. You have a great project I can’t wait to read more from you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Sarah! This is a super original project, and I love how you are willing to cross traditional boundaries with storytelling by creating a mash-up of texts that are from such disparate parts of human history, yet tell similar sorts of stories. The questions humans have been pondering about what is good or bad, what merits heaven or hell, have not changed much, it seems. I like how you've included a The Good Place trailer for context, and I really like your formal considerations in this project -- the script-like format is really cool and dovetails nicely with the idea of it being based around a TV show. Maybe look up proper script format? Also, I like that your writing is dialogue-driven, and you use a lot of showing rather than telling for characterization because of the script. The characters are each allowed, within your story, to grow on their own terms, rather than terms dictated by description or lengthy exposition. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Sarah, I'm coming back to your storybook and I'm excited to see the next section is out! You do a great job of ending on a cliffhanger in both parts that leaves the reader ready for more! In the original story, the Pandavas being sent to hell is shown to be a test of Yudhishthira's character pretty early on. I'm glad you've changed that part to make it seem like the Pandavas really were sent to Hell while Duryodhana and his siblings achieved the good place. It adds an extra element of mystery to the story that the reader is anxious to see unfold! Finally, the script style writing fits so well with your idea!
    One suggestion I have is to change the wording on your first paragraph in "Hell", as there's a string of sentences where you use similar wording that can feel overused. Otherwise, I'm super enjoying the style and story and can't wait to see what happens next!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi, Sarah! I was so excited to get to read your storybook again! I love the tone that you take in your opening paragraph. It details the plot without giving much emotion. The fact that it is written like a movie script really allows the reader to direct the story that their telling in their mind which is super exciting!! I think the line where Bhima points out the irony of Draupadi being born of the flames and ending in flames is genius! What a clever detail to include! When Yudhishtira tosses Draupadi over his shoulder, I think it would be great if we had a detail about Draupadi’s reaction to this action! In general, I would love to just have a little bit of dialogue from Draupadi since she’s such an outspoken character! The story is set up to be dramatic, so I think it’s totally plausible that Draupadi would suddenly awake! Overall though, I thought you did a great job!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Sarah,
    I really like how you laid out the similarities between the show and your storybook especially since I've never seen the show. I appreciate the background knowledge. I enjoyed the almost screenplay typewriting. I also enjoyed the humor you have weaved into your story. I do think that in the intro section of your story 'God of Justice' should be capitalized but I am not entirely too sure. Wow, the audio that is added was a very nice touch. The description of the Bad Place was something great visuals come to my mind. I am very excited for the next installment that you have and how the family is saved or not saved from the bad place. The overall layout of your website looks great and very easy to navigate. I think that possibly adding a darker background to the bad place story would give it some dark overtones.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey there Sarah! Of course I had to choose your project to read this week :) and I really love it! Like I said in capstone, I took this course a couple of semesters ago and so I love to see the different ways that people decide to approach the stories. I really liked the way you gave us a lot of background information on your home page and welcome page, because for someone like me who has never seen the TV show, I would have been a little bit confused otherwise. The decision to write your stories in a sort of screen play format was a genius idea, and I thought the additions of sound and images throughout really added another layer to the project as a whole. I love that you chose to use some images ad the background instead of just leaving a white/plain background too. I am not tech savvy whatsoever, and so some of my projects are more on the simpler side. Great job overall, and I look forward to checking out more of your work in the future! See you in class :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hello Again!
    After reading your post last time, I started watching The Good Place. It’s a pretty funny show! It also helps connect how you wrote your stories and know how they fit in.
    I couldn’t wait to come back and read more of what you had to post this time! Again, I really like how you write in script form. It’s easy to read and adds scene elements so you can picture what is going on when you read the story.
    This time I read Dharma. After reading your author’s note, I see that you took a lot of time and effort into combining several stories to make yours. I think it’s great that you took a few elements from each of the stories and make them work as one. I also think it’s great that you tie in elements from the show. Like the Good Place not actually being the Good Place, but rather the Bad Place. Good job with your story page, it’s always fun to read your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi Sarah, once again, wow! I was actually looking forward to reading the next chapter of your storybook and it's great again! You've turned a rather simple idea into a more modernized and interesting story! I love Yudhishthira's eventual recognition of the facade as well as the dialogue between Dharma and him beforehand. The inclusion of Indra talking to Arjuna is a wonderful touch that adds a lot to the story! I wonder if having Krishna there would have made it even more challenging to recognize the illusion? Since it seems the main section of your storybook is over, what are your plans for the last few weeks? I would love to see a written out ledger of the Pandavas karma balance; this could even be contrasted with Duryodhana's! Then again I think getting a description of the actual good and bad places would be great! However you choose, I am excited to see what creative direction you decide to take this next!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hey Sarah!

    So this is the first time I am reading your Storybook and I love it! I am a huge fan of The Good Place and think it is one of the funniest shows out there right now. I never thought tying the Mahabhrata in with the show would be possible, but you did it! Overall, your site is great. All of the pictures are clear and fit well. There were no noticeable things that took away from the individual stories. One thing I did notice is that your stories were a continuation of one another. I did not have the time to read your entire Storybook and assumed that you had already edited your first two stories, so I read your last one only. Because of that, I did not fully understand what came before. I would suggest adding an intro to each story so people can understand each story if they do not read the whole thing.

    One thing that I loved about your Storybook is how you wrote it like a script. It really ties the whole TV show in with the stories and make it a clear and easy way to read a story with dialogue and events that are occurring.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey Sarah! I read your storybook a while back and was excited to read your storybook now that it's been updated quite a bit! I read "Hell" and "Dharma" and really enjoyed them. This week we were supposed to focus on author's notes. In "Hell" I thought your author's note was very informative. I loved how it gave in-depth information about the background stories and then went into details with The Good Place too. I really like that you linked to the stories in your author's note.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoops, I hit post a little early.

      I thought "Hell"'s author's note was in-depth, but "Dharma" way outdid it! I thought your story was very, very good and your author's note was amazing. I also really enjoyed the pictures on your story. I do not even have any advice on how to improve your story. I learned enough from your author's note that I felt like I reread parts of the Mahabharata. Great stories and I can't wait to read more!

      Delete
  22. Hey Sarah! I saw your Storybook awhile back, so it was cool to come back to now that it's almost done!

    This week's feedback is focusing on paragraphs, but I have to say, that's something you've totally nailed. With your formatting the way it is, the breaks are frequent, clean, and consistent, and the paragraphs in your Author's Notes are very solid too.

    One thing with the overall appearance of the Storybook is it feels almost like it's zoomed out? Like the pages at the top are super small, and I have to zoom in to read the text comfortably. I'm not sure if that's a setting you could tweak?

    Overall, it's really well-written, and the sources you've found seem to match really well to the plot of the Good Place, which is really fun. I like the depth of research you did for it, and the fact that you put so much detail into your Author's Notes!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hey Sarah, I absolutely loved your storybook from your introduction to the very last story! Your storybook seemed very put together and you knew what you were doing from the very start. I liked how you were able to tie your storybook to a show, but keep the general storyline intact. Thank you for adding a short trailer of The Good Place because without it, I would not have any information on the show whatsoever. I honestly have nothing negative to say about your storybook. I believe that it is very well-written from the start until the end. All of the picture went well with your stories as well, especially the story over hell. I liked how it gradually changed color as you were scrolling through the story. As for this weeks focus, I feel like you did a great job on separating your paragraphs! Not only just in your stories but in your author's note as well. Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi Sarah!
    I really like your idea behind this entire project. The Good Place is also a great show, I have heard so many good things about it but have not yet gotten around to watching it. I think this is a great opportunity to include humor in your project. I feel like this could be the lone factor that sets your project apart from other ones. Your humor will grow the more you focus on the seriousness of the afterlife. Humor is used to alleviate tension and if you focus on the seriousness of the situation you have created, you will open up so many opportunities for these funny situations. You do a great job of picking pictures that compliment your story too. The change in color adds a nice shift in tone. You organize the story well and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories. I am from the Mythology and Folklore section!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hi Sarah! I am glad I got to revisit your page and look at how it has developed! I really like the stories you have added since I have last seen your page. Once again, the layout of your pages all look very neat and professional. I like how you have a flowing theme of the good place, hell and then dharma. It made the whole storybook very fun to read. For this week, the theme was to focus on paragraph layouts. I think for each of your stories you were able to break apart the paragraphs in an appropriate way. For each of the scene changes I like how the paragraphs were separated because it made it easier to follow along and read. Your author's note was also spaced well. I also like that in each of your paragraphs you gave descriptions of what the characters were doing. It made each story easy to visualize. Overall, great job with this storybook!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hi Sarah! I commented on your page a couple weeks ago but some how I had managed to screw up enough that NONE of my comments were posting. I really like your story book and the topic that you have selected. Your topic that you have selected was awesome! I have only seen the Good Place once and it was while I was on an airplane but it was a great show. I love how you put all of your stories in a format similar to that to a script. It was really engaging in your story and the parallels that you created between these two worlds was really nice. I greatly enjoyed your storybook and I wish my comments would have shown up sooner. I like how your story book ended up!

    ReplyDelete
  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hi, Sarah! I was so excited to get to come back to your blog this week! It’s definitely been one of my favorites to read throughout the semester! I had read all of your other posts, so I only focused on the Dharma one for this week. I like that your opening action of footsteps coming down the hall really creates a great sense of anticipation. The reader has all of this questions as to who it might be and what they might be feeling! I love how you made Indra’s character. From all that I’ve read about him, I think you do a really great job of painting him exactly how he’s depicted throughout Indian literature. I also love how feisty Draupadi’s character is. That is one of my favorite characteristics about her in the Mahabharata and I love that you carried that over to your storybook! Overall, I think this storybook is so well written and I have loved getting to read it!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hi Sarah! This is my first time reading your stories posted on your website. I am really glad that I was able to get to pick your stories because I really enjoyed them. In your stories you really do a good job at the beginning of adding imagery to give the reader a sense of what is happening. For instance, your use of the footsteps coming down the hall really lets the reader get a sense of anticipation. With anticipation it lets the reader develop a lot of questions about what is about to happen later in the story. When the reader starts to get lots of questions about what is happening in the story it keeps the reader engaged in the story. I would say that your use of things like this that created anticipation it did keep me engaged in the story and left me wanting to know what was going to happen.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hi Sarah! I'm from the Myth-Folklore class. I came across your Storybook and got super excited because I love The Good Place! Using the screenplay format was a really interesting way to tell these stories. I love how you were able to seamlessly blend your Indian Epics into the narrative of the Good Place. I didn't even consider how similar the mythologies are with regard to the points system and karma balance. Really great job!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment